How much it hurts

This country seems to magnify everything.

Stress, personalities, shortcomings, sin...

And sacrifice.

After a little over three weeks here, it's become even more clear just how much I've had to give up or sacrifice to be here.

Let me get one thing straight. I'm not complaining. It's hard and it's painful at times, but I knew what I was getting myself into and I'm not complaining.

I could list all the things that've been hard, all the things that've stressed me out, or all the things that I miss about home, but again, that's not my intention behind writing this.

The hardest part by far is picking up and leaving a place where I see so many needs and leaving Amy behind for a year. But where most people weigh the options:

1) Fill a need here at home and stay comfortable, around friends and family, girlfriend

-OR-

2) Pick up and leave everything behind including the most important relationships in your life and enter a world filled with discomfort and inconvenience.

Call me crazy but I obviously chose Option 2.

But as the days pass, I've realized just how hard it's going to be and how high the cost of "going" really is.

For example, Amy.

Fortunately, the longer I'm here, the better our relationship gets and the more I like her. Unfortunately, that also means that it becomes exponentially harder to be here and away from her.

Believe me, if it was possible to be with her without taking away from what I'm doing here, I would be on the first plane home. But it's not...

And the cost of that truth, the patience it requires, and the physical discomfort or pain that sometimes results continues to increase day-by-day.

Don't get me wrong, I love the people here and there are a lot of enjoyable things about this country, but my family, friends, and girlfriend come first.

If I were here for ANY other reason, whether business, studying, or even to make myself a better person or to grow, it would in no way be worth it.

I'm here because God passionately loves these people, I love these people, and He desperately longs for them to have a relationship with Him and to experience the life that He intended for us.

And He sent his Son to prove it.

In a lot of ways, I kind of feel like the Apostle Paul in the book of Philippians. I realize this is FAR from a perfect analogy, but given my circumstances, I can relate to what Paul was talking about.

"If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me." -Philippians 1:22-26

*HUGE DISCLAIMER: I in no way mean to equate Christ in this passage with Amy or being back home. I'm only using this passage to make a point. I too, more than anything else in the world, long to be with Christ at the end of my life (and to walk with Him and experience Him in this life). However, God-willing, I am not at the end of my life. Paul was writing because he felt death approaching and his options weren't based on where he would invest his time but if he would be in Heaven with Christ or on earth continuing to do ministry.

I too am torn between two options. Two VERY good options.

But lately, instead of being stressed and discouraged about being so far away from home, I've started to look at things a little differently...

For instance, instead of looking at all the negatives, I've been convinced and amazed at how GOOD and FAITHFUL God has been to me. I get to go through this year with an amazing girlfriend and friends and family that are more than supportive, and I get to be a part of some of God's most amazing work in all of history! I have the best of both worlds!

The past three-four weeks and the next 9 months that I spend here are ABSOLUTELY worth the time that I have invested in it. And I am SO BLESSED to be a part of what's happening here.

In a span of only three days last week, I had the opportunity to share the Gospel with 15 students! I had opportunities to talk with a couple students who have even been struggling to read the Bible because they want to understand Christianity and figure out who this "God" is.

I had the opportunity to tell a student named "Gameboy" that, it is, in fact, possible to talk to God when he asked if it was true that I could communicate with Him. I got to tell him that he, too, could have Jesus as his "peng yo," his friend, and he could talk to Him anytime he wanted...and didn't even have to put his hands together when he did!

One student named Carl after learning that the Gospel was not based on good works and was instead based on God's gift of grace to us said, "[Christianity is] a little different than I thought!"

Students are beginning their spiritual journey toward a relationship with God and I, Chris Kopp, weak, sinful, unqualified, incompetent me, get to take part in God's love story with these students.

Where else in the world can I go out on campus and play basketball, football, frisbee, and ping pong to develop relationships and later in the day get to tell students who have never heard the Gospel about what Jesus has done for them and what He has done for me!?

Where else am I forced to CLING to God during every moment of every day because I'm absolutely convinced of the fact that I can't do ANYTHING here on my own?

It is for these reasons, and the deep and lasting relationships that are made here that it is worth staying. This country, and this "Cause" is absolutely worthy of a year of my life. It is the ONLY Cause that is worthy of my entire life.

One day in the not too distant future, a great crowd will be gathered around the Throne. I picture God asking those whose lives were changed as a result of this incredible time in history in this country to stand. Rising out of their chairs, people from every tribe, nation, and tongue will be represented because of all the people who served in this country, prayed for this country, or gave money to the work being done here and the profound impact that this country had on the nations for generations to come.

Christ has DRASTICALLY changed my life. I have gone from darkness to light. I have gone from depression to a life overflowing with fulfillment and joy. I have gone from a pitiful, mess of a person to, in God's eyes, one of His own children. I once was dead and am now alive.

And I will dedicate this year and the rest of my life to telling people that, whether in East Asia, America, or whatever other corner of the world He calls me to.

-CK