Thoughts on Depression and Christianity

It’s an unfortunate myth that you can’t be a true Christian and still struggle with depression. There’s an underlying notion within the Church that if you have truly internalized the hope of the Gospel and the abundant life that God has provided, you will never have to deal with it. Yet, many incredibly godly men and women throughout the centuries have deeply struggled with depression and a “dark night of the soul.”

Growing up, especially in high school, I experienced what I would call depression – though likely not clinical depression or anything overly serious – but depression nonetheless as I tried to figure out who I was, what I was created for, and attempted to navigate the murky waters of being a teenager.

When I became a Christian a couple months into my freshman year of college and found answers to those questions, those struggles vanished and my friends in the dorms remarked that “something had happened” to me since I hadn’t stopped smiling in weeks.

Like many others probably have, I hoped and likely thought that with my new-found faith, those feelings of isolation, depression, and pessimism would be gone forever, but almost ten years later, I’ve found that some days those thoughts and ideas come creeping back.

Van Gogh's Sorrowing Old Man 

“What’s the point of working for change? Nothing ever changes anyway…”

“Does anyone outside my immediate family even care about me?”

“Everything is meaningless. What’s the point of all this striving?” (see Ecclesiastes)

I’m not a psychologist, or counselor, or doctor – so take this with a large barrel of salt, but it seems to me that as I read about the lives of other Christians, particularly those who are deeply contemplative or artistic types, some sort of depression is not uncommon. Perhaps for those of us who deeply wrestle with God when something horrific happens, or when we’re discouraged by the human race or by our own sin and shortcomings, moments of pessimism and depression are almost unavoidable. It seems fully natural to despair the depravity of the human race or the fact that things aren’t as they should be, and the entire cosmos have been doing so since Genesis 3.

Based on my own experience, it seems that perhaps, Christianity is not a “cure” for depression. God certainly can cure or eliminate depression in some people and has undoubtedly done so, but life is full of suffering and moments of lament, and it’s as if we’re affirmed that this is okay, even expected and necessary, since the Scriptures are full of prayers of lament, doubt, and even depression.

Yet, many parts of Scripture that begin with lament or apparent descriptions of depression don’t stop there – they lead to trust and hope.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5)

One of the beautiful things about the Christian faith is that it gives us a worldview through which sin and depression make sense. It affirms that, no, things are not as they should be and that it is natural for us to yearn for Home. It also gives us immense hope that despite our momentary feelings of depression, loneliness, and doubt, the God of the universe has revealed to us through Scripture and the death and resurrection of his Son that these feelings and doubts about ourselves are not true, are only temporary, and need not define us. 

Rather, we are children of a holy, all-powerful, loving, and victorious God.

Though I may feel worthless, God calls me His son. Though I may feel lonely, God reminds me of His presence. And though I may doubt whether things will ever change or whether my striving for redemption will ever have any lasting impact, God reveals through his Word that anything done for the sake of the Kingdom is not done in vain.

If anything, as I grow older and wrestle with this, these feelings have led to greater humility, gentleness, and a desire to love people as fully as possible. Life is hard and suffering is to be expected, but in the midst of the pain and wreckage, we have opportunities to cut through the chaos and offer something that is eternally enduring – “faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

And as we find ourselves in moments of loneliness or feeling like strangers in a crowd, we can be assured that Jesus Christ himself experienced those same things and that He is there to guide us through and remind us of who we are and whose we are.

I’ll close with this beautiful prayer from Henri Nouwen.

A Christmas Prayer – December 23, 1985

“O Lord, how hard it is to accept your way. You come to me as a small powerless child born away from home. You live for me as a stranger in your own land. You die for me as a criminal outside the walls of the city, rejected by your own people, misunderstood by your friends, and feeling abandoned by your God.

As I prepare to celebrate your birth, I am trying to feel loved, accepted, and at home in this world, and I am trying to overcome the feelings of alienation and separation which continue to assail me. But I wonder now if my deep sense of homelessness does not bring me closer to you than my occasional feelings of belonging. Where do I truly celebrate your birth: in a cozy home or in an unfamiliar house, among welcoming friends or among unknown strangers, with feelings of well-being or with feelings of loneliness?

I do not have to run away from those experiences that are closest to yours. Just as you do not belong to this world, so I do not belong to this world. Every time I feel this way I have an occasion to be grateful and to embrace you better and taste more fully your joy and peace.

Come, Lord Jesus, and be with me where I feel poorest. I trust that this is the place where you will find your manger and bring your light. Come, Lord Jesus, come.”

-CK

Why Seminary

Within the last month, a very popular author “tweeted,”

“If you have any questions about God, ask a white male twenty-something who is in seminary. They know everything.”

While I recognize that this person wrote this careless comment at least partially in fun, anti-seminary sentiments like this one are unfortunately not all that uncommon. I personally experienced church planters, college ministry staff, and friends who tried to convince me not to go to seminary because in their minds, and for various reasons, theological education is at best unnecessary and harmful, and at worst, both.

I’m a nobody, and I recognize that approximately 12 people are probably going to even look at this blog let alone read the whole thing, but if it helps even a single person who is considering vocational ministry and theological education get a more balanced viewpoint about what the next step might be for them, this will have been a success.

Before we get started, let me clarify that I am writing this with deep humility and an even greater sense of the power of God to use people for his purposes, and I in no way believe that taking 2-4 years to go to seminary school is the right decision for everyone – nor is it necessary to preaching the Gospel, teaching the Word, or being involved in ministry. God can use anyone regardless of their background or training. What is absolutely necessary, however, is that all Christians who are trying to multiply their faith (this is everyone) be life-long learners, whether through books, conferences, commentaries, mentors, or professional schooling.

With that out of the way, let’s deal with a couple misconceptions about theological education. Our author’s aforementioned tweet is a good place to start.

Misconception #1 – “Seminary students/graduates think that they have all of the answers”

This certainly CAN be true, but take most twenty-somethings studying at a graduate school in ANY discipline and this will be the same across the board. Unfortunately, it is sometimes true of Christians as well. I confess that as a seminary student, I love opportunities to get to share with people what I’m learning about God, and it’s probable that I’ve communicated this in an arrogant way at times, but in no way do I pretend that I have all the answers or have it all together. If anything, the more that I learn about God and the Bible, the more questions I have and the more I realize my depravity and inadequacy. Most of the seminary students and graduates that I have met fall into the same category, yet I have certainly met people who embody our author’s caricature of what seminary students are like. But it seems to me that these are the same people who were prideful, arrogant, and full of answers before they ever stepped foot on a seminary campus. To that author and to anyone else who has had a similar unfortunate experience, I am deeply sorry and pray that you would not allow that experience to lead to bitterness or to lead you to paint all students of the Bible with the same brush.

Misconception #2 – “Seminary is where Christians go to die”

Again, this is possible, but as one pastor and author has said, and I’m paraphrasing, “Seminary is a difficult place to thrive spiritually, but not any more difficult than any other place.” Many of my own friends expect seminary students to have lifeless relationships with the Lord and to be dispassionate, but this is again far from my experience. Just because seminary schools tend to attract people that are more intellectually-driven than emotional doesn’t mean that their faith is lifeless. Quite the opposite, I have been deeply influenced by the passion that my professors and fellow classmates have for the Gospel and have come to love Christ and care about people more deeply because of them. What is more, most sane people don’t choose to go to seminary and to live a modest life (and future life) of debt and barely making ends meet because they don’t love Jesus and are dispassionate about the Mission of God.

So finally, why seminary?

      1) Get equipped – Most people wouldn’t trust someone off the street who has never gone to medical school to do open-heart surgery on them, and most wouldn’t allow someone without training to make decisions about their financial investments, so why do we prefer that our pastors and ministers of the Gospel be uneducated? The Apostle Paul had extensive education and was a brilliant apologist and communicator and the disciples spent hours upon hours learning from God in the flesh. After two years of full-time ministry, another as a volunteer, and a couple years in the workplace, it was obvious to me that for me to be the most effective minister of the Gospel and shepherd of God’s people, I needed to be further equipped. Again, God certainly has used and continues to use people without formal theological education, but most of us would benefit personally and professionally from further education.

      2)   Love the Lord with all your mind – To love God with “all our minds” rounds out the Great Commandment of Matthew 22:37. Twenty-first century Christianity tends to emphasize emotion and the experience of God over the intellectual pursuit of God, but as A.W. Tozer wrote, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”

      3)   American culture and many specific sub-cultures demand that we be educated about our faith – Let’s face it, America is no longer a Christian nation and we can’t simply assume that people believe in God as we jump into presentations of the Gospel that begin and end with sin and Jesus’ death on the Cross. Effective evangelism requires us to meet people where they’re at, to give evidence for the existence of God, and to help people wrestle with their questions at a deeper level. Spend any amount of time doing ministry at most public academic institutions and this becomes blatantly obvious.

      4)   Practical experience alongside theological training – My theology and what I believe about who God is and how he operates in the world will affect and inform every aspect of my life and ministry. Seminary is a great time to work out what I believe about suffering, sin, salvation, and other important doctrines of the faith while simultaneously being involved in ministry and working with real-life people who are questioning those issues themselves. If I haven’t worked out for myself why suffering exists or why I think the resurrection is true, how can I even begin to minister to and reassure people working through those same issues?

      5)   The Church needs people who are theologically and biblically trained – If Martin Luther had never stressed salvation through “faith alone” in the 16^th century, our Christianity would look drastically different, many of our churches might not be “in the truth” and religious doctrine might even do more harm than good. Or what if modern evangelical scholars and pastors weren’t around to defend the authenticity of the Bible and the ministry of Jesus? Who would do so? What if people didn’t continue to teach and learn the biblical languages in order to more accurately exegete and interpret the Bible? As Father Richard Rohr says, “there is a symbiosis between immature groups and immature leaders.” Without proper training, we risk shallowness and heresy in teaching the Word of God. I for one shudder at the thought of being responsible to God for what I write and teach without having at least taken steps to learn from the mistakes of others and to be informed about my methods of interpretation.

      6)   Grow in spiritual maturity – In having the opportunity to learn how to read the Scriptures in their original languages and through studying church history and philosophy, I have become even more in awe of who God is and how He is at work in the world. I also have the opportunity to study with people from all different backgrounds, experiences, and cultures and to have their passions and biblical perspectives rub off on me. Taking a season of life to attend seminary offers focused time to spend with the Lord and the opportunity to refine one’s life and fall more in love with Jesus by being immersed in the Word and in community.

I write this not to persuade anyone to go to seminary or to insinuate that all Christians should receive formal theological training but to perhaps offer a balanced view of an institution that has been attacked in recent years by many inside the Church. My hope is that if you are considering what God might have for you in the future, that you would follow where He is leading and do what seems to be best for your family, your own relationship with God, and your future ministry. And if you’re simply someone who has unfairly criticized the role of theological education or professors or students themselves, I hope this helps you to see seminaries in a different light. As someone in the midst of this kind of training and as a future pastor, we need encouragement and support, not negative tweets and judgmental attacks. We, your brothers and sisters in Christ - with all of our shortcomings and weaknesses - simply long to love and serve God and His church more fully.

-CK